I'm finally back home from vacation. I left for 9 days in Vancouver with my wife's family. 9 days I really needed, to get away from work.
I love the company I work for, and most of the time I even enjoy what I do. However, I find after a few months I need time to take a break or I burn out. Working in Civil drafting takes alot of focus and attention to detail. And I find, if I don't get some time to get away from it for a bit, I start to get sloppy, careless and frustrated.
So 9 days away was awesome. I finished a game, BioShock: Infinite. I finished the Outcast book and started on "Salvation for All" which really hammers out, scripturally, alot of what I've already talked about on this blog.
I also go to visit with an old friend, who's all grown up now and has taken some hard knocks of her own to become a mature, and balanced woman. Who's working towards a fantastic future of her own.
I got to relax with my beautiful little girl who thought it was great fun to surprise daddy and dump a buck of water all over him and run away screeching, as I sat outside in the sun relaxing. I got to have naps. I like naps.
I even went to "The Man of Steel" with my father in law. We also got thoroughly spoiled by her parents, so we decided we would spoil both of us by buying an air conditioner for us to use in the bedroom at night. Which we left with them so they can stay cool the rest of the summer.
I've also been reading Wil Wheaton's book "Just A Geek" and it really got me thinking about regrets.
I honestly think people who have hit their 40s and claim not to have any regrets are either delusional, lying, or extremely sheltered.
It's one thing to have regrets, it's another to be at peace with them.
When I left the cult back in 2004 I had already spent 2 years obsessing with my regrets. I had cheated on my girlfriend by kissing another girl in a bar. It was stupid, I know, and I also made the mistake of trusting a friend with my confession - whom spread it throughout the male membership in the church and created one long sordid story which ended up in us breaking up... messily. Months later.
I fought hard to win her back to no avail. After that I spent alot of time obsessing over that whole thing.
Even after I got married I obsessed over my regrets. I would lie in bed sometimes wishing I could go back to 1998 and never join the church. Or go back to 2001 and break up with my girlfriend then, so it was a clean break. And then leave the Church. I replayed the reels of my life, over and over again in my head. Wishing I could redo this thing in 1996, or that thing in 2000.
Ultimately, I was angry, unhappy, smoking, and miserable. What a way to live.
It wasn't until recently, not long after Cassidy was born that I began to come to the appreciation that my life is actually not all that bad. That my regrets were not all insurmountable.
I finally learned to embrace them when I came to the realization that ALL is of God, and that God ultimately orchestrated every single event in my life for my benefit.
In learning from the harshness of the cult, what real grace, freedom and love is like. So that I can express those things to others.
Today, I live a life without living IN regret.
What a freedom, and peace that gives me!
2 Corinthians 5:18
18 Yet all is of God, Who conciliates us to Himself through Christ, and is giving us the dispensation of the conciliation,
28 Now we are aware that God is working all together for the good of those who are loving God, who are called according to the purpose
29 that, whom He foreknew, He designates beforehand, also, to be conformed to the image of His Son, for Him to be Firstborn among many brethren.
Thank you, to those of you who have shared their appreciation for my writing. I will do my best to keep on consistently posting... and growing in my writing as I do so.