Friday, June 10, 2011

Full Circle

   Well it seems I'm no long unemployed.  Starting Monday I'll be working again.  Now that I have my beautiful daughter, plans needs to change.

I really tried to get into IT.  And if I wasn't a parent now, we could still afford it.  Not that I regret anything.  It just means some dreams need to be put on hold for a little while.  And that's ok - my daughter is worth more than any IT job I could take.

The hardest part of going back to work, in fact, is not being able to see her all day every day.  She and I have gotten pretty close in 2 and half months.  She smiles at me easily, and just picking her up calms her right down. I love it when she clings tightly to me.  She's daddy's girl.

So, I'm grateful for the last few months since I lost my job.  I've done a few plays.  Gotten to build great friendships with people.  Explored some dreams of my own, and had time to think some pretty deep thoughts.  In fact, I know myself better than I did before.  I think I'm happier and more at peace with myself than I have been in years.

I know for sure my marriage is far far better than it has ever been.  So I have to say - I can recommend, in fact, I highly recommend, losing your job!  Every 10 years in fact, everyone should take time to reflect and get to know themselves again.

Of course, not everyone can do that.  So in lieu of job losing; take time to make friends with yourself.  Too many of us bury ourselves in work, play, and life and forget that there's a person deep inside each one of us, if neglected too long, can get pretty damn cranky.

So lastly... I'm going to get a little religious here.  If you're not into that.... take off.

So yeah, deep thoughts.

I've spent alot of time in the last few months, talking to the Father, and to Jesus, and getting to know them pretty well...  I've read the Bible since I was a kid, and know it VERY well.  So I don't always have to read it to hear them.  Sometimes, a verse will come to mind.  And then again; sometimes can be pretty handy too.

I've had some deep questions, serious questions.  About so many things.  Loving your wife.  Does God change?  What does Jesus really say about homosexuality?  Who's saved?  Are Paul's writings scriptural, that is to say, are they the words of God? What does Jesus want from us? and so many more....  I love it.  Since I've been through 2 cults, raised extremely conservatively, and all the religious crap that I've had in me forever...  It's GREAT to have the freedom to really pull things out and seriously question them.

The only time that it's HARD, is if you're afraid to let go of your preconceptions and are unwilling to change your beliefs.  Otherwise, it's exciting.  It's breathtaking... and I LOVE IT.  In fact, so many beliefs I've held for a long time have changed.  I believe, that so much of what we believe has been tradition handed down from the time of Constantinople, and through the ages til now.  And if we fail to question those beliefs...

Then how can our faith even be real?

Anyways... Those are my thoughts today as I spend my last Friday of unemployment.  Take care; have a great summer - and I promise, I'll keep writing.

Travis Penner - Cadman and Seeker

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