Cleaning House

So my wife and I have our hands full.  We've accumulated so much stuff in our house we are now putting things together for a garage sale.  I'm not sure which weekend we'll do it, probably August long weekend.

I'm pulling out bins, and looking through shelves and trying to minimize the amount of junk we have.

I also visited the doctor yesterday.  Good news, the dizziness and balance issues are not a permanent thing.  She got all the blood work and everything that the ER did on me in her file.  I'm now on a drug that is supposed to reduce the number of migraines I get.  Which will also help me with my balance issues.

Unfortunately, today I'm SO tired.  My mind is a little foggy so it's hard to stay awake and put thoughts together.

I don't have quite as much to say today as a result.

However, I'm studying some stuff on my own.  Doing some reading, and continually challenging my belief structure and preconceived notions that the Church has often reinforced.  I have literally scared myself some of the things I've come to question.  I'm holding to the belief that no matter how treacherous   How scary, or challenging a truth is.  The truth WILL set you free.

John 8:31-32
31 Jesus, then, said to the Jews who have believed Him, "If ever you should be remaining in My word, you are truly My disciples,
32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will be making you free."

Truth is a light in darkness that brings illumination.  For eyes that have sat in darkness so long, light can be so extremely painful.  Yet once those eyes adjust, what is revealed often brings change.

I am discovering that that change may not always be manifestly obvious; but it brings understanding.  It tells me who I am, what my role is, and eventually often brings peace that only the confidence of clarity can bring.

Travis

Back in the Saddle Again

Sorry I wasn't on yesterday.  Apparently our internet was out here and I wasn't able to get online.

Anyways, I'm mostly back to normal again.  My balance is a wee bit wobbly, but every day my vision and my balance seems to be getting better and better.

I'll be going to see the doctor today as well though.  Let's hope this isn't anything permanent and it'll get back to NORMAL firm... stable... everything again.

Lessons in Suffering

So...  While I was sick, I was thinking about suffering.  What the Bible says about suffering.  What suffering means.  Why we suffer.  And so on.

Colossians 1:24
24 I am now rejoicing in my sufferings for you, and am filling up in my flesh, in His stead, the deficiencies of the afflictions of Christ, for His body, which is the ecclesia

As amazing as it sounds Paul writes that there were deficiencies in the afflictions of Christ.  Can you imagine that?  The 6 hour torture fest and it was still deficient?

But that's what Paul says, and this is the reason the Body of Christ goes through suffering - we suffer in this present day instead of Christ himself in order to make up those deficiencies.  So even 2000 years LATER, the Body of Christ is STILL suffering for the sake of the world.  This is simply amazing to me.

Believers need to rejoice in suffering, no matter what kind it is, whether it is illness, persecution, betrayal, or poverty, whatever form it takes - that suffering is added TO the Body of Christ.

I am convinced that each person's suffering is unique to their own person.  Look at Helen Keller for instance, she grew up without sight or hearing.  For me that would be torture unendurable, yet she transformed it into an amazing ministry to praise God from.

I believe God creates us, his broken vessels, to glorify him in our own unique ways.  Our suffering is unique to how he has created us, and what we can do.  There is no suffering that is any less than someone else's.  For someone suffering could be as "silly" as losing their car keys, for another it could be as major as being told they have cancer.

I'm using hyperbole, but my point is this; God has created a set of circumstances in advance for us to glorify him.  Whatever those circumstances are, they are no less significant than another believer's.  Whether in great wealth or great pain, it is GOD who sets out his creation to his glory.

Ephesians 2:10
10 For His achievement are we, being created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God makes ready beforehand, that we should be walking in them.

God always has a purpose in everything he does.  Whether it is immediately clear or not, you can be sure his purposes are at work in your suffering.  Be faithful, and trust - this suffering and trial that you endure is to YOUR benefit and will result in not only glorifying him, but glorifying him THROUGH you.

James 1:12 
Happy is the man who is enduring trial, for, becoming qualified, he will be obtaining the wreath of life, which He promises to those loving Him.

This may be written to the Israelites, but the message applies to us as well.  There IS great reward for enduring suffering.

Romans 8:28 
Now we are aware that God is working all together for the good of those who are loving God, who are called according to the purpose

ALL things... Even if it's stubbing your toe on a chair.  ALL things are working together for the good of those who are called by God!!

I hope this gives you peace, and great joy.  Do not despair, whatever your circumstances.

2 Corinthians 4:17
For the momentary lightness of our affliction is producing for us a transcendently transcendent eonian burden of glory,

Imagine!!! A Glory so great that it is a BURDEN.  

Peace, and God bless!

Travis

I'm baaaack!!!

OMG... Seriously, I have been away several days, but not by choice.  On Tuesday, I went to work feeling moderately discombobulated.  I felt like I had just stepped onto drydock after years at sea and was having trouble finding my landlegs.

  Wednesday morning, I woke up and my bedroom was spinning.  I shit you not.  This has got to have been the worse feeling I've ever had.  If you can't see straight, you can't drive, you can't read, you can't use a computer, you can't do ANYTHING.  I spent almost all of Wednesday lying in bed.  Sleeping and fortunately, I was able to use my phone to cruise FB and watch a little TV.  It seems a tiny screen, while lying in bed was something I COULD keep my eyes focused on.

  Thursday, I was moderately better but still seriously freaked out.  We went to the ER, just in case it was anything serious.  4 hours, 2 bags of Saline, 3 packets of drugs IV'd into me and I was still a landlubber with a terrible case of sea sickness.  After the ER visit I was wound up but totally exhausted.  A horrible horrible night's sleep ensued.  By early morning, I was groaning and crying and wishing that God would either remove this from me or strike me dead.

  One gets seriously out of sorts when sleep deprived and moderately eff'd in the head.  So... I was no exception.

  I finally did fall into an exhausted sleep, after which I felt a little bit more right in the head.  I lay on the couch most of the day.  Sick to death of watching TV.  I finally attempted some reading, which helped a little.  I fasted all day, which I believe helped alot more.  By mid afternoon, no wife or kid around, I was going batshit crazy.  I vacuumed the house, and that was the end of my strength.

   Once my wife and daughter got home, I visited with them a little and by evening they went out to visit friends and I went back to sleep for a half an hour.  That helped bring my strength up some again.

  Although by 9 I was thoroughly exhausted and needed a deep natural sleep.  I took some pills and went to bed.  For the first half of the night I was in a sort of twilight sleep.  Asleep, but not completely.  Finally by 1am exhaustion completely took over and I fell into a deep sleep of natural dreams and complete relaxation.

  I woke up this morning and my vertigo is 90% gone.  I still feel a little woozy, like you do after a couple drinks on an empty stomach, but aside from that... I'm blogging on here, bottling my beer. (which I hope I didn't let go for too too long) And will meet wife for lunch today at her work.

   Thank GOD the worst of this vertigo seems to have passed.  I'll still take it easy but I'm SO looking forward to being back at work on Monday.

  I'll write more but I thought I'd fill you in on what's happened... I haven't fallen off the face of the planet... it only felt like it for 3 days. :P

Travis

Every Man's Bullshit

Good morning!

  So all weekend long I fought brutal migraines.  Like godzilla stomping around in my head sized migraines.  By monday morning it was starting to go down but I was completely exhausted.  I slept alot and, well, I didn't get a chance to blog.

  I was still tired most of the day.  In some ways, fighting a migraine is like getting into a ring with a boxer and you keep getting KO'd... Well, that was me.  Even today I'm still a little dizzy and discombobulated.

  So I haven't really done much reading.  I have had a few discussions on Facebook.  Listened to some podcasts, and read a really frakking FANTASTIC newsletter by Martin Zender.

   About a decade ago a friend of mine sent me this book "Every Man's Battle" which, at the time, seemed inspired by God.  Looking back, I realize it was just another link in a chain of bondage that was being placed around men.

Everyman's bullshit

  Good god, men are so emasculated in Churches today.  They've become like those little puppies that you see elderly folks getting, and dressing them up.  They're great lapdogs, but they're definitely not Lassie, Scooby, or any MANLY type dog.  Good for putting on your lap, and shitting in your garden but not good for much else.

Today's Churchified man

  These bullshit books cranked out by Christianity telling men to become these asexual, tame beings is just so perverse.  Guess what folks?  God made the sexes.  God made SEX.  Yes, God made Penises and Vaginas and even MASTURBATION.

  Ok, I'll wait a minute while you calm down and fan yourself into composure.

..
..
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So seriously.  This book teaches men to stop watching R rated movies, "bounce" your eyes away from that lustful look receptionist with the low top there.  And good god, we can't even get a copy of Maxim anymore or we might roast in hell and spurn our wives because of it.

Bullshit.

Anyways, the newsletter Martin wrote was awesome, I can't say enough about it, it really does break down the bullshit.  You can find it here;

http://archive.aweber.com/martin-zender/6CcPY/h/ZWTF_Newsletter_The_New.htm

It's well worth reading.  He's even coming out with a book on the subject, which I can't wait to see.

  I've also order more books of Martin's as well as Clyde's from www.studyshelf.com and am looking forward to their imminent arrival.

  Anyways, god bless, have a fantastic week.  I'll be back tomorrow with more to chew on.

Travis

Shooting from the Hip

  For once, I really don't have a topic on the top of my mind today.  I'm still getting back into the swing of things after being in vacation mode.

  Last night I got home and realized I had to clean my back yard of my dog's shit.  Well, I turned the corner into the back yard of my house and realized the grass was over a foot tall.  Nevermind finding my dog's shit, I couldn't even see the lawn!!!

   Spent over a half an hour cutting through that swath.  My lawn mower cut out a couple times, I had to go through it all slow and repeatedly.  At least I found the shit... after I mowed it pretty good.

  I could have it worse though.  There's so many people in High River right now who don't even have a lawn to go back to, much less mow.  I keep reading about the disaster they have to return to.  So many are being let back to their homes now, there's virtually nothing left.

  Perhaps water is worse than fire in some ways.  With fire everything's gone except the foundation, and you begin anew.  Right now, even the foundation is suspect.

  I've never had to deal with this kind of thing.  I can't even imagine what they're going through.  I have co-workers who lived there who are now bunking at their family's homes.  I'm reading of people who are now camping out in trailers, and temporarily being sheltered in hotels.

  It's intense.

  And yes, I could give you Bible verses, doctrine and explanations to help put this all in a spiritual mindset.  There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't think that's what's needed at this time.  Certainly not while so many are grieving.  Some have even lost their lives in these floodings.

  The best thing I could possibly share from the Bible is this;

  When Lazarus died, and Jesus came home to his friends and family all mourning his death.  He did not wax "spiritual" to them and tell them of a better future that awaited, or drone on about how this was God's plan or any of these things.  He did the most uncharicteristic thing you would expect the Son of God to do... The very man who could command life, death, and everything in between...

Jesus weeps.

  There can be no better example for the man of God.  When people hurt... hurt with them.  Even cry with them.  Life may be temporary, we may be headed for glory - but it does not diminish the significance of our experiences.  Nor does it remove the need for those of who can, to comfort those who need it.

John 11:32-45

32 Mary, then, as she came where Jesus was, perceiving Him, falls at His feet, saying to Him, "Lord, if Thou wert here, my brother would not have died!"
33 Jesus, then, as He perceived her lamenting and the Jews coming with her lamenting, mutters in spirit, and disturbs Himself.
34 And He said, "Where have you placed him?" They are saying to Him, "Lord, come and see."
35 Jesus weeps.
36 The Jews, then, said, "Lo! how fond He was of him!"
37 Yet some of them said, "Could not this One Who opens the eyes of the blind man, also make it that this man should not be dying?"
38 Jesus, then, again muttering in Himself, is coming to the tomb. Now it was a cave, and a stone was laid on it.
39 Jesus is saying, "Take away the stone." Martha, the sister of the deceased, is saying to Him, "Lord, he is already smelling, for it is the fourth day."
40 Jesus is saying to her, "Did I not say to you that, if ever you should be believing, you should be seeing the glory of God?"
41 They, then, take away the stone. Yet Jesus lifts up His eyes and said, "Father, I thank Thee that Thou hearest Me.
42 Now I was aware that Thou art hearing Me always, but because of the throng standing about I said it, that they should be believing that thou dost commission Me."
43 And, saying these things, He clamors with a loud voice, "Lazarus! Hither! Out!"
44 And out came he who had died, bound feet and hands with winding sheets, and his countenance had been bound about with a handkerchief. Jesus is saying to them, "Loose him and let him go!"
45 Many of the Jews, then, who come to Mary and gaze at what Jesus does, believe in Him.

Catching Up on Things

  I'm finally back home from vacation.  I left for 9 days in Vancouver with my wife's family.  9 days I really needed, to get away from work.

  I love the company I work for, and most of the time I even enjoy what I do.  However, I find after a few months I need time to take a break or I burn out.  Working in Civil drafting takes alot of focus and attention to detail.  And I find, if I don't get some time to get away from it for a bit, I start to get sloppy, careless and frustrated.

  So 9 days away was awesome.  I finished a game, BioShock: Infinite.  I finished the Outcast book and started on "Salvation for All" which really hammers out, scripturally, alot of what I've already talked about on this blog.

  I also go to visit with an old friend, who's all grown up now and has taken some hard knocks of her own to become a mature, and balanced woman.  Who's working towards a fantastic future of her own.

  I got to relax with my beautiful little girl who thought it was great fun to surprise daddy and dump a buck of water all over him and run away screeching, as I sat outside in the sun relaxing.  I got to have naps.  I like naps.

  I even went to "The Man of Steel" with my father in law.  We also got thoroughly spoiled by her parents, so we decided we would spoil both of us by buying an air conditioner for us to use in the bedroom at night.  Which we left with them so they can stay cool the rest of the summer.

  I've also been reading Wil Wheaton's book "Just A Geek" and it really got me thinking about regrets.

  I honestly think people who have hit their 40s and claim not to have any regrets are either delusional, lying, or extremely sheltered.

  It's one thing to have regrets, it's another to be at peace with them.

  When I left the cult back in 2004 I had already spent 2 years obsessing with my regrets.  I had cheated on my girlfriend by kissing another girl in a bar.  It was stupid, I know, and I also made the mistake of trusting a friend with my confession - whom spread it throughout the male membership in the church and created one long sordid story which ended up in us breaking up... messily.  Months later.

  I fought hard to win her back to no avail.  After that I spent alot of time obsessing over that whole thing.

  Even after I got married I obsessed over my regrets. I would lie in bed sometimes wishing I could go back to 1998 and never join the church.  Or go back to 2001 and break up with my girlfriend then, so it was a clean break.  And then leave the Church.  I replayed the reels of my life, over and over again in my head.  Wishing I could redo this thing in 1996, or that thing in 2000.

  Ultimately, I was angry, unhappy, smoking, and miserable.  What a way to live.

  It wasn't until recently, not long after Cassidy was born that I began to come to the appreciation that my life is actually not all that bad.  That my regrets were not all insurmountable.

  I finally learned to embrace them when I came to the realization that ALL is of God, and that God ultimately orchestrated every single event in my life for my benefit.

  In learning from the harshness of the cult, what real grace, freedom and love is like.  So that I can express those things to others.

  Today, I live a life without living IN regret.

  What a freedom, and peace that gives me!

2 Corinthians 5:18
18 Yet all is of God, Who conciliates us to Himself through Christ, and is giving us the dispensation of the conciliation,

Romans 8:28-29
28 Now we are aware that God is working all together for the good of those who are loving God, who are called according to the purpose
29 that, whom He foreknew, He designates beforehand, also, to be conformed to the image of His Son, for Him to be Firstborn among many brethren.

Thank you, to those of you who have shared their appreciation for my writing.  I will do my best to keep on consistently posting... and growing in my writing as I do so.

God bless!

Travis

Absent

Sorry folks. I'm on vacation and with the furnace like temperatures I haven't particularly wanted to have a hot laptop on my legs at any particular time.  Will write more when I'm home and air conditioned.